Wow, what a heck of a way to end the year. No blog post until January Eighth. I'm losing my touch. And I had so much to blog about over the holidays, too.
It really must say something about my priorities when the last three or four blogs have started with some sentiment akin to "Gee, I should really update more often!" but there you have it -- Since starting this blog, my priorities have changed. And after updating my stories, talking with some old friends who haven't gotten a lot of face time lately, and clearing up some other lingering bits of business, I've been doing a lot of thinking about priorities, believe it or not.
This week I started my first round of student teaching -- two months in the middle school with a group of the funniest, sweetest, sixth graders a teacher could hope for. I was scared on Monday and Tuesday; I really didn't think I could make it through the rest of the semester. I didn't know any names, the kids all looked at me funny when I introduced myself, and my desk kept getting shoved aside. It wasn't a great way to start the week, especially when your roommate (who is also student teaching) comes home rhapsodizing about how well she and her teacher get along, how much the kids love her, how much she's loving student teaching and how much she's looking forward to the rest of the semester.
To put it bluntly, I was not getting the same warm fuzzies.
I'm still not getting the same warm fuzzies today, but they're better, more confident fuzzies. We had a great conversation in the car on Thursday (after staying after for speech practice, because not only is my roomie incredibly confident that this is what she wants to do with her life, but she's also incredibly generous with her time at school and her participation in the school community. She wants to do everything.) about priorities, and Jackie said something really insightful to me, something I've wanted to hear someone say for a long time -- "Merc, I'm not saying this to be mean; you'd make a great teacher, but I think you'd make an even better librarian. That's where your head's at."
And it's true. Jackie was getting all excited this week because she got the kids who don't usually speak in class to speak, and I was getting excited about library day on Thursday and Friday. I got excited when I recommended a book to one of my kids (one of my books, from my personal library, that I loaned him) and he came back the next day after only reading in class and said "Can I take this home and borrow it? It's REALLY GOOD." Now I get updates every day from him on how much he's enjoying The Hunger Games . (What really makes me happy is I think the fact that I was happy about this made Jackie want to start reading Hunger Games, and SHE ended up not being able to put it down either. SCORE.)
The library is where my head's at. I'm not thinking about how to make my language arts class better -- I'm thinking about how to make library time better. (Is there a list of authors who write about similar subjects? Can I put together a list of great new books? How would I put together a book display? What could I do to make this space more inviting? When can I get around to sending Rick Riordan a fan letter for writing the books that at least fifteen percent of my kids are reading?)
Of course I have to invest time in my teaching, and I will, but I think the course ahead is pretty clear -- One weekend, I'm going to have to sit down with some Grad School applications and find some more scholarship money floating around someplace.
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Mercury, your roommate may have a point (and I think you and I have briefly talked about this before), and you're absolutely right that you never know what your real passions are until you start trying various things. I had a similar experience when I was volunteer teaching once a week while I had my first job after college as an editorial intern at a small publishing company. I didn't like the internship and found myself looking forward to the teaching. And so I changed my career path. And then when I was teaching high school, I liked it, but soon realized that it wasn't my future either, which is why I became a college professor. So, I empathize with what you wrote in your blog. HOWEVER, a few things to consider. First, give yourself some time, because it takes a while to get comfortable with a new job, and the more comfortable you get, the more you begin to enjoy it. You will begin to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. I had a similar experience as you when I first started teaching in Japan. The other teacher was naturally more outgoing than I am. But gradually, I became more outgoing simply because practice makes perfect, and also I discovered that different students like different things, which leads me to my second point. There is no one single way to be a teacher. Different kinds of students have different learning styles and personalities. You and your room-mate obviously have very different personalities, and so you have different things to offer your students, and some students will respond better to one kind of teacher, while other students respond better to another kind. And my third point is that you never really know what your students are thinking. So, don't worry about whether they like you. Keep in mind that they may be wondering whether you like them. So, my advice is to show the students that you like them and are interested in them. Just as you're looking for some positive vibe from them, so might they be from you. Anyway, too much advice, I'm sorry. We should talk more later, but meanwhile, hang in there!!!
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